Processing the Loss of Motivation
This is a deep dive into something I am constantly aware of: motivation. In particular, this article will be the exploration of why. Why did we lose motivation? Why is motivation so stressful? What can you do when you lose it?
This is, in my opinion, the most exhaustive and time-consuming part out of any project progress since it takes some time to sift through all the different components. Whether you live to complete large aspirations or just get the gumption to get out of bed - our daily output is a thing constantly on our minds. And when that output is working within a specific movement of change or passion or fixation, that creates visions in our head of what we want to see next and where we want to be. This is motivation - the momentum of moving towards something with a desire.
A few things before we start:
You are more than your productivity. We will go into this a bit more to help work through what are impulses to feel like you’re doing the “right thing” and what actual things you want. Ultimately - you should never feel bad or worthless about not creating or getting things done.
You are recommended and encouraged to have help from professionals. It is not always necessary, but it may fill a void of obligation or assist with the accountability of your actions. It does, speaking from experience, lessen your frustrations with yourself too.
You are allowed to be unmotivated. This is something you should read and consider when you are ready. Ready-ready. While I will say things like “just start”, your feelings and emotions will let you know when you can. Don’t feel bad if you cannot get up and go right away. And if you are ever struggling to get out of a rut and recognize that you are in one - please go back to the second point and acknowledge the help you deserve.
An essential part of getting anything done is acknowledging how you feel about it. Yes, emotions and feelings are necessary for getting, staying, and being motivated to do just about anything. These thought processes listed below are ways to figure out your shit BEFORE you even start to Get Shit Done.
Let’s go!
Accepting
So, you fell out of step with your progress and lost the will to keep going. Why did you “fail”?
Now, hold up. This isn’t a call to tell yourself you are a bad person - you are never the sum of your failures and failing does not make you bad. Take a moment. Think back to your plan and where you stalled. Breathe and reflect.
Why in this exact time frame are you falling away from the thing you want to do most right now?
Maybe what you tried wasn’t working, or how you were thinking about it didn’t keep you on task, or maybe - and this is more often the case - it wasn’t what you initially thought it would be in terms of your reward.
Accept that your plan didn’t work. Failing is human. And losing motivation isn’t failing - it’s just an extra step to evaluate what matters to you now. This is a perfect time to remind you of the mantra I use: “Progress, not perfection”. You made an effort of genuine, real intention - you did fantastic getting started and moving forward. You did great.
You took that breath - you thought about it. Calibrate and adapt.
Let go of your first feelings now: regret, sadness, frustration, shame, anger, and self-loathing. Turn off the narrating and berating voice in your head. That doesn’t serve you now and is stopping you from moving in a direction that brings you joy and validation. It’s time for you to see how you’re feeling after letting these chains go and what those current feelings mean to you and your plan.
Finding motivation again should be considered evolving. You’re entering a new adventure and we’re gathering intel before setting off with a new map, past experiences, and updated inventory.
Feeling & Exploring
I can’t tell you HOW to feel or what you SHOULD feel. However, I can list some questions and thought processes you can use to evaluate your own feelings to explore the crux of your motivation. Here are some examples of emotions or feelings and how they can come about on your journey:
Fear - Change is scary: if you’re stuck in a constant cycle of “what if”s, you could be experiencing fear of the changes that you are undergoing. ‘What if I can’t do it?’, ‘What will or could I lose by doing this?’, ‘What if this isn’t worth it?’. These are really great questions that can pop up on your life journey and they are completely normal. Take some time to make your pros and cons list. Leave it out for a week and think about it a little each day and add your thoughts to the paper. What did you find out? And as a reminder, it is absolutely fine to say "no” to your original plan and find a solution that works better than your current one. You have the ability to change your approach as you change your mind and focus.
Overwhelmed - Too many directions, not enough time: taking steps after feeling downtrodden can feel very daunting. A culprit for cyclical starting and stopping can be a result of, and equally be the cause for, feeling overwhelmed. If you decide to overcome your fears and feel content in your forged path - break down your steps even further than you think is necessary. If you spread out your steps over each day and take on more actions gradually over time - you can lessen the chances of feeling like your goals are a burden. Make them part of your day gradually and easily. Your choices are meant to help you - not hinder your growth.
Conflicted - “Square peg in a round hole”: what if your goal was something your values or personal self doesn’t accept? Have you identified your motive? Is your motive for you or is it for someone else? Do you feel compelled to do it because of societal standards or are they your standards? Your end result should be something YOU validate. It should match your values, aspirations, and dreams. Goals are a blueprint created by you, for you. It is important not to base your journey, end result, or joy on how it went for other people. Use others as inspirations and information points - but they may not have the same values as you and that’s why this journey feels so bumpy and disjointed. This is especially important when it has to do with your health, body, and presence. Ensure your intentions and goal posts match your standards. The ability to stay passionate and driven can depend on how validating your to-do list and results are to your core self!
Disappointment - Goal transparency: even if vision boards aren’t your thing - imagining your journey progression to your “holy grail” can be beneficial for instilling some motivation back in your step. Remember - this is not about setting expectations. Use this to play through a few different scenarios to gain comfort and build up your guard for any outcome. “If X happens, I’m not surprised - I will plan to go through option X-1”. And to think even deeper - attach feelings you want to have instead of metrics. “I want to feel proud of my YouTube channel content - like it is something worth sharing”. Follower numbers, subscriber counts, and video output are great benchmarks and drivers. But they are not the best options to validate your hard work. Place an end result on something higher - something you maintain and value. You are worth more than numbers. You are worth the effort. You are worth achievement.
Helpless - Challenging vs Controlling: how is your journey treating you? Are you feeling that it is rightfully challenging you - not too hard or too easy? Yes - even if something is easy you can run into losing the will to carry it out because “you could do it at any time”. And on the other side of the coin - is this something that is controlling your every action to the point of feeling suffocated? If feelings of helplessness come up - this is a great time to evaluate how balanced is your approach. You should feel a good pull to be challenged in your progress, but not beat down by so many rules and stringent restrictions on yourself that you’re unhappy. It is a great thing to adjust in each of your check-ins. If something gets to the point of no longer serving you - drop it or adjust it. You’re succeeding either way in moving forward by keeping it realistic and progressing. Making a decision to end something is still a decision and opens up new pathways for you to choose.
Defeated - No end in sight: what is your definition of done? It could be a combination of any of the above that stop you or make motivation hard to keep, but when is a goal completed? The simplest way to be discouraged is to not have set completion criteria or a time frame. Your goal may adjust over time, but are you changing it too much or evaluating it too often that you’re losing sight of the progress you’ve made? You can feel this in your gut when your loss of direction clouds important hindsight and foresight details of your project. This can also be felt if you just keep letting less rewarding progress happen past your initial time frame end. If you’re spiraling in a scenario where nothing you planned for feels good anymore - it may be helpful to define an end. Take what you made, understand what you did was great progress, and shelve it. Not table it to come back to - shelve it, leave it, learn from it, and take a break. To keep the metaphor going, you came back to the tavern after your journey and need time to rest and restock. Count your loot, find what else you want or need, and plan for the next adventure.
Exhaustion: nothing too much to evaluate here other than accepting you are burned out. If something isn’t working or you fall off before you even start, take that as a sign - you need a break. It might be worthwhile to list out the things that are causing you to struggle and see if there are any feelings you can start accepting. And then we start again at the first phase mentioned in this article. Rest your body and mind, and heal your heart by taking the time to understand your emotions. And just to reiterate (because it is damn important) - you do not have to be productive and you are allowed to be unmotivated. Breaks can lead to more meaningful progress when you’re back to being ready-ready.
Acknowledging & Affirming
Now, that was a lot. Any of the thought processes stated before are things I have used to help adjust all of my journeys and goals. Exploring your feelings is a vital exercise to maintaining and sustaining your definition of success. Yes, yours. Ultimately, you are the one who defines your path - but there are a lot of tools available to help you. Counseling, therapy, group work, accountability buddies, and tons of reading.
I have some previously written content that can help you figure out that path after this step. I will make more parts of this series to help too.
And to be absolutely clear - I have “failed” a lot. This means I have grown each and every time I have set out to do something. I know how hard it is to feel like you are making anything in the thick of your progress - but doing a retrospective is incredibly important to finding your badassery again.
These are learning experiences.
These are data collection times.
These are affirming who you want to be and acknowledging who you were.
There is no abandonment - only progress to a point. And then a new journey starts over again with fresh a mind and heart behind you.
Give some finality to your journeys and make chapters. Don’t try to write a whole book in one sitting - you’ll never like how it ends.
And as always - you got this.
